Daniella's Misadventures

Status Check

The beauty of this weather is starting to lift the melancholy I've been under for so long. What, you didn't know? I guess I'm not as open as I could be on my blog. Those of you who know me in real life know how very hard this past year has been for me. But good too, don't get me wrong.

In the past twelve months, my life has changed in so many ways. I have changed in so many ways.

A year ago this Friday, John held my hands in his and asked me to be his wife. I knew it was coming and had, in fact, been ready to say "yes" to him since about the second month after we started dating. He made me wait a year and half. But I don't mind. He was worth the wait.

The second question he asked me was if I would be willing to move away with him. I knew that question was coming as well and had dreaded it for a long time. We found out in December of 2002 that his company was consolidating their marketing functions. He had been offered a promotion that was in his company's home office in New Jersey. If he didn't accept the promotion he was being offered the door. No severance package. No nothin'. He had to give them an answer, but we frantically searched for equivalent work for him so that we could stay in New Orleans. I called everyone I knew. I enlisted the help of anyone I had ever done business with. By the end of April, the writing was on the wall. If we wanted to stay in New Orleans, John was looking at about a 50% pay cut.

So, I said yes. I chose John over my family, my friends, my life.

John moved up to New Jersey in June. I followed in August. I was lucky enough to find a job in a different division of my company and retain my seniority (28 vacation days this year, kids!). We found a nice apartment, in a nice town. John's two brothers and John's sister-in-law were nearby. He had some college friends that he had kept in touch with with whom we started hanging out.

But was it really ok?

No. I was (and remain) terribly homesick. We don't see John's brothers very often, though I do play soccer with John's sister-in-law and like her a lot. I didn't particularily like my job and it was a big step down in both prestige and level of responsibility. John's college friends' wives were threatened by me and never really made me feel very welcome. I hated hated New Jersey and how cold and unfriendly people are here.

But I don't regret the choice that I made because John is worth it in every way.

And things are slowly getting better. S-L-O-W-L-Y.

I've made some friends. I have a really good buddy at work. My neighbors are really cool. I love the women on my soccer team and have a great time playing with them. I am starting to get more responsibility at work. I like the MBA program that I am in up here way better than the one I was in in New Orleans. I like the gym near my house and am actually going on a regular basis, something I could never quite commit to in New Orleans.

So, am I OK?

I don't know. Check back in a few months. At least I'm trying to get OK. There were days when all I did was cry. Are there still days like that? Yes, but they're fewer and farther between.

And I have John, the best thing that ever happened to me. The sweetest, most patient and kindest man I have ever known. I am lucky for that.

And no amount of homesickness will change how I feel about him.

So, thanks, Spring for helping me feel less. Less alone. Less cold in my heart.

Thank you, Spring for bringing me back to me.